How is this my fault?
by mrs.greghouse1
Summary: Wilson cutting? Houses fault? this cant end good or can it? Sounds like it revoles around Wilson but no it will be about House and how he deals with everything thats going on.
1. Chapter 1

_Ok this is sorta based on a true story. This happened to me. I don't want to ruin it so I wont say more about that._

_Just so you know in my life these are the parts:_

_Wilson-My best friend_

_House-Me_

_Cuddy-Our Assistant Principal_

_Cameron-My 7__th__ grade Algebra teacher who acted like a therapist _

_Chase and Foreman- They're a random combination of people that I met along the way_

_Ok now that I got that cleared here is the story tell me what you think._

It all started like a normal day for Wilson, maybe even a good day. There was no traffic on the way to work so he was even earlier than usual. He got in and was making his way upstairs, there was no sight of House but this didn't surprise him. House was probably still at home asleep. He made his way up to his office humming an unidentifiable tune. He unlocked his door went in, turned on the lights, put down his bag and was taking off his coat when cuddy walked in.

"New patient for you." She had a file in her hands. Wilson really didn't want anymore patient he already had too many, but he took it anyway. She stretched her arm out to hand him the file. He went to take it from her when she grabbed his wrist. His sleeve was pulled up half way from when he took his coat off. She had his wrist in her hand. His heart was pounding. Shit was all that came to his mind. She turned his hand over palm up. There were purple and red scars going in every direction.

"How?…" she didn't know what to say. Wilson was the most put together and perfect person she ever knew. She bet that other than three failed marriages that he never failed at anything. In school he was most likely a straight A honors class student. How could someone that perfect be so screwed up? That's when it came to her this was how he dealt with that pressure that it took to be perfect. All that happened in a matter of seconds. Next thing she knew Wilson was on the couch crying. She didn't know what to do, so she sat down next to him.

"Why?"

"I don't know people expect so much out of me, my job, the pressure, the dying patients, House…" That's all Cuddy needed to hear, House oh now she was going to get him he caused this to happen to Wilson.

"It's ok you take all the time you need I'll get you some help and take off from work if and when you're ready you can come back."

"Thanks"

Ok so end of first chapter never saw that coming did you well neither did I. I'm glad to be writing this. This is the first time I get to tell my story to people that wont take sides, in an interesting way that makes them want to listen.

Reviews please this story will be never ending!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow feels weird to finally tell this! So everyone knows this wont be focusing on Wilson so don't worry if your uncomfortable with the subject of cutting. This will be focusing on House and what he goes through. Just so we get that cleared up! Reviews please I want to know what people think about it please, please, please!!!_

It had already gone around the hospital that Wilson had been caught cutting. That's right everyone knew except…House. It had only been a few hours since Cuddy found him but gossip spreads fast in a place like this.

So House was on his way in to work. His leg hurt more than it had so he was already pretty grumpy. He was limping in the hospital, but there was something off, no sign of Cuddy or Wilson. He went to the elevator thinking that they would be upstairs. He got up there headed in the direction of Wilson's office, no one there lights off and the door was locked. New idea they're in his office with a very deep in thought look he entered his office only to find on one there. He took off his jacket and entered the conference room. To find two employees waiting there, again odd where was Cameron.

"What's going on today?" House asked referring to not being able to find Wilson, Cuddy and Cameron.

"So I guess you know." Foreman said referring to Wilson's problem.

"No, I don't or else I wouldn't be asking. Now would I genius." Foreman didn't know how to respond to that so Chase took over.

"Oh we assumed you knew."

"About what?"

"Well Cuddy found scars up and down Wilson's arms…Self inflicted" House was stunned. His best friend and he wouldn't even say anything like this to him. He knew that they were serious. He didn't know what to do or say so he left. He went into his office like nothing was wrong and played his game boy like a normal day. That's when the phone rang. He answered.

"House my office now!" He knew it was Cuddy he didn't need to ask. She hung up, so did he. He sat there for a couple minutes. That anxiety feeling pumping through his body. Finally he worked up the courage to go down there he knew that it wasn't good, he just didn't know what it was about.

He arrived in her office Wilson was sitting in one of the chairs opposite of her desk.

"Nice of you to finally join us." she said sarcastically Wilson said nothing, House said nothing.

"House"

"Yes"

"I have a question" House's heart was pounding in his ears. "What do you like about your friend Dr. Wilson?" That was it, he thought that he was going to get a tongue lashing. But how would he answer? What did he like about Wilson? Was it he always had food when House was hungry? Why was Wilson his friend?


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N please need more reviews. Just getting to the really good parts let me know what everyone thinks! Sorry its been so long I'm very busy, but I will be trying to update my stories more often. Sorry it's a short one but I just had this sudden urge to write and this was the quickest thing I could come up with. _

He didn't know how to answer that question. Why was Wilson his friend?

"I don't know he's funny, and knows me better than anyone I guess." That's all that he could think of to say.

"Ok, well I think that you two need to take a break. Spend some time away from each other." Now House was really confused. This isn't middle school and yet she was treating him like he was a bully. "Ok Dr. Wilson you can go now." Wilson got up and left the room never saying a word. He didn't even look at House. Once he left, Cuddy's tone changed completely. "You aren't allowed to see him again." House didn't know what she was talking about. He wasn't allowed to talk to his best friend again? "No more going into his office, if you need a consult you will use another oncologist, no more eating lunch together." House sat there never moved the only thing that he was thinking was just breathe.

"But why what happened and why are you involved?"

"That doesn't matter at this point, all that matters is that you stay away from Wilson." House nodded.

"I heard from so people that he was…" House didn't know how to phrase it. "…Cutting… Is it true?"

"I cant discuss this with you, you just need to leave him alone!"

"Ok, can I go now?" Cuddy nodded yes and House got up and left. There were so many thoughts going through his head right now. He didn't know what to think about first.

……………………..

House made it up to his office and Cameron was waiting there in his office for him. He looked at her but didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry" she said

"For what?" House was pissed now. Cameron didn't answer she knew that it was rhetorical.

How could Cameron know? House couldn't figure it out he had just found out and she acted like she'd known for awhile. He just made his way over to his desk and sat there looking at the floor. She thought that it was better to leave him alone for now. They could talk later when some of the shock went away.

………………………………...

They got a case, a four year old complaining of a headache and her foot turned blue for now reason. Normally this would fascinate House, but while they were doing the differential he just sat there. He looked to be deep in thought and didn't hear anything that they said. Cameron knew this was affecting him badly, and this was just the beginning wait until it really set in.

Suddenly House got up and left. He got up and walked out the door and out the building. He didn't know what else to do. He really just needed some time to think. He got on his bike and drove home. He couldn't even remember the ride, it was almost like his body was leaving and going home but his mind was somewhere else. He automatically unlocked the door, took off his coat, and went into the bathroom. Only did he realize what was happening when he was in the bathroom kneeled over the toilet vomiting. He must have been so shaken up it made him sick. After he spit some more he flushed and made his way over to the sink. He turned on the cold water, washed it over his face, then brushed his teeth. After he went into his bedroom, lay on his bed and went to sleep even though it was only 1 in the afternoon.

He never woke up until 7:30 when he heard a knocking at the door. His first thought was that it was Wilson, the he remembered. His second thought was Cuddy, but again that made no sense because she was so pissed at him. Now he felt obligated to go to the door and see who it was. He went to get up when his leg quite loudly protested. He grasped the damaged thigh in his hand while the other reached instinctively for the bottle of vicodin. He popped the cap off and took two. After sitting there for about another minuet, giving them time to kick in, he got up, grabbed his cane and made his way to the door.


	4. Chapter 4

_ A/N Ok another reminder, yes Cuddy can do what she did because first of all this is fiction and second, sadly that's what my principal did to me. Reviews help so much keep them coming please!!!_

He got up and hobbled over to the door. He opened it a crack and slammed it right away.

"Go away!" He yelled as he made his way over to the sofa, it was Cameron.

"I just wanted to talk to you." She answered as she opened the door again, and let herself in his home.

" I don't want to talk, everything is fine, I don't care, I've given up!" He said as he plopped on the couch.

"House what the hell are you talking about?"

"Never mind just leave."

"Fine but, I'm here, if you wanna you know talk." He scoffed at the though of him spilling his guts to her. "Fine" and with that she let herself out and he was alone again.

………………………………...

He thought about getting some food he was hungry, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to eat. It just seemed wrong to him for some reason. Instead he went back to bed. He never woke up for the rest of the night. Sleep was his escape from pain and reality. He slept when things weren't doing good and he didn't want to deal with them. There wasn't much he could say about his dreams other than he couldn't remember them.

………………………………...

The next thing he knew was that his alarm went off. He awoke surprised that he had stayed asleep. He grabbed the vicodin and popped one in his mouth. That would help dull the pain, at least the pain from his leg. He stood slowly, grabbed his cane and went into the bathroom. He relieved himself then made his way over to the shower. Turned on the shower, and got in.

He sat down when in there and let the warm water hit his face. He didn't know what he was feeling he didn't know why that happened. He just kept reminding himself to breathe because he felt like if he didn't he would stop.It's just a joke a cruel lesson that Cuddy and Wilson are trying to teach him. He kept saying that to himself but somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it wasn't. Then he snapped back into reality he knew he had been in the shower awhile. He got and out and dried himself off and put on some clothes. He didn't want to be late for work, Cuddy was already pissed at him. He grabbed his cane, keys, and vicodin and he was out the door.

The ride into work was a blur similar to the ride home. He parked in bike in the same handicapped space as always and was on his way into the building. He had just entered when he heard some little girl whining to her mother that she was hungry. That's when he remembered that he didn't eat breakfast this morning, or dinner last night, or even lunch yesterday. That wasn't good but he still had that strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he just couldn't bring himself to eat anything.

He went to the desk and without making any rude remarks to anyone and checked in. That's when he saw Cuddy out of the corner of his eye watching him. He pretended not to notice and made his way over to the elevator. He pressed the button impatiently a couple times. He didn't want to stand there any longer he could feel Cuddy's eyes burning into his back. Finally with a ding the elevator arrived. He went in and hit the close door button a couple times while looking at the floor. He knew that if he looked up his eyes would meet hers and he didn't want that. The door closed.

_Breathe_

_In_

_Out _

_Deep breath_

He kept focus on breathing again.

_Ding_

He was at his floor slowly the doors opened. When he looked up he saw someone standing there looking at him. It was Cameron, again.

"Hi I was just wondering if…"

"Get out of my way" she did as she was told she could tell he was not holding up so well.

He looked in the window as he passed Wilson's office and what he saw surprised him and demolished all the hope he had.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Sorry it's been so long since I updated, school keeps me busy and then softball season started the only time I see my hous

_A/N Sorry it's been so long since I updated, school keeps me busy and then softball season started the only time I see my house is when I come home to sleep. So anyway here is the story._

House looked in the window and saw Wilson was talking to Dr. Kerbowski, one of the hospital physiatrists. This wasn't good why else would Wilson be talking to a shrink if this wasn't real. He hadn't realized that he stopped and was staring in the window until Wilson looked over and their eyes met.

Wilson's eyes were sad then when he looked at House they were cold and empty. House always hid his emotions but he knew that he couldn't hide what he was feeling now. His eyes were full of confusion and seemed to be screaming 'why' to Wilson. Wilson looked away, even when he showed his emotions House still one the stand off. He wanted to know so badly what they were talking about but he knew that there was no way he could find out without getting in serious trouble.

He started limping to his office. He stopped right outside the door and took a deep breath then he entered. He went in and sat down on his chair, put his elbows on his desk, rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He didn't know where to begin thinking Foreman, Cameron, and Chase all heard him and looked over they saw him in his office. Cameron took notice that he looked tired and a little pale; she also knew that he didn't handle emotional stress like this very well so that was probably the cause.

She got up walked over to the counter and got a cup of coffee. She felt Foreman and Chase's eyes following her.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you" Chase was warning Cameron because they all knew that she already had a cup of coffee and was taking that one to House. She ignored them as she walked by and went into House's office. She opened the door and purposely made some noise so that she wouldn't startle him. She walked over towards his desk he didn't move. She set the coffee next to his arms and sat down in the chair across the desk. "I'm not leaving until you say something." Cameron wanted to here something from him.

"Go away."

"That doesn't count." She knew she wasn't going to get anything out of him but she would try anyway. Nothing he said nothing. He hadn't lifted his head at all. She wondered what he was thinking of. "We don't know what is wrong with her, the little girl with the blue foot." She thought maybe if she changed the subject he would say something. It didn't work he still didn't say anything. She knew that he thought if he stayed silent that she would give up but she wasn't going to. She stayed, she sat there for hours. ……………….

Around eleven o'clock House got up. He didn't think that she would actually sit there for two hours like she did. He grabbed his cane and headed out the door, never looking at Cameron, towards the bathroom. As soon as he left the room she stood to follow him. Chase and Forman had been watching and were curious so the followed too keeping their distance. They caught up with Cameron none of the said a word they didn't want House to hear them.

He entered the bathroom. Cameron, Chase, and Foreman stopped they didn't know what to do. Do Chase and Foreman go in or do they just wait. They stayed there for a couple of minuets then decided to go in Cameron waited outside.

Meanwhile House was in the bathroom throwing up again. He was so shaken up from everything. He had just stopped and flushed when he heard the door open he knew who it was but he didn't know what to do. He just sat there on the floor of the stall. Foreman and Chase stared at each other they didn't know what to do either. They leaned on the sinks waiting for him. He had no intentions of coming out anytime soon.

He sat there and finally started thinking of what was really happening. How could this be happening, why, are the rumors true? After thinking about those questions for about an hour he started to drift off to sleep. ……………

_A/N I hope that's good to keep you guys hooked and still here I think that I'll write another chapter soon! Tell me what you think of it. Thanks!_


	6. Chapter 6

A/N for me this is a quick update

_A/N for me this is a quick update!! We had some standardized tests and I had free time to drift off, and think about more things to add to my story. _

He lay there drifting in and out of sleep. After all it is hard to sleep all crunched up with a damaged thigh muscle in a bathroom stall. This time he woke up breathing heavily. He realized he was sweating too. Oh god his leg hurt! He reached in his pocket for his vicodin but it wasn't there. Shit! He left it in his office. Now what should he do? He couldn't go out there and face them. He started to panic; he was sweating more and more. It was getting harder to breathe, and somewhere inside him he had the feeling of impending doom. He felt as if he was gasping for every breath!

Foreman hearing him struggle ran up to the stall and started pounding on the door.

"House, House! Are you ok in there?" There was no reply. Foreman shot a worried look back to Chase, who seemed to be frozen.

He still couldn't breathe; his chest was getting tighter and tighter. It felt as if he was having a heart attack. He just kept hoping that this gasp for air wouldn't be his last. How embarrassing would it be to be found dead in a bathroom stall in a hospital?

Foreman didn't know what to do.

"House! House answer me!" again no response. Then out of nowhere Chase ran past Foreman into the stall next to him and jumped on the toilet seat and looked over the side. The sight he saw made him want to fall over. He saw a vulnerable House lying there clutching his chest struggling to breathe.

"Foreman we gotta do something. He can't breathe!" Foreman stood at the door trying to pull it open somehow. Chase then quickly hopped down and crawled under the side into the stall where House was. If it weren't such and emergency this would be a very awkward moment. Chase stood up and unlocked the door for Foreman. Foreman quickly took House's vitals.

"He has a rapid pulse! Go get some help and a gurney." Chase did as he was told and ran out the door and right past Cameron. He never said a word to her, but she knew something was seriously wrong with House. As quickly as Chase ran out she ran in.

"What's wrong with House?"

"I don't know his pulse is racing, he's sweating and can't breathe and by the way he's clutching his chest I'd say it's tightening." Foreman was still bent over House looking up at Cameron, who was standing in the doorway. She had the same worried face as Foreman. She was going through her head thinking of possible causes.

"Aw shit! I know what's wrong with him! He's having an anxiety attack!" Hearing that House felt even worse. Now he was hoping to die or be having a heart attack.

"House just calm down take deep breaths" Cameron wanted to know why this was happening. Then she realized he was probably thinking of what cuddy had said and he felt trapped.

God! He knew this would happen the minute he didn't remind himself to breathe he almost completely stops! Ok get a grip breathe you idiot! He kept mentally yelling at himself; the doctor part of him knew that wasn't helping. He stopped, ok now stop and breathe. He laid his head back on the side of the stall and closed his eyes.

'Breathe in'

'Breathe out'

'In'

'Out'

He finally felt like he was gaining some control when Chase came running in the room with two nurses and a gurney behind him. Cameron ran to the door to stop them

. "House is fine it's just an anxiety attack. Sorry. Please send them back." She whispered in his ear.

"Oh" Chase stood there for a moment, then turned and shooed the nurses out. Shit House just wanted this day to be over! He was so embarrassed but at least he could breathe again.

"Are you ok?" Cameron asked in her sweet and concerned voice.

"Just fine" he managed to say. He looked around for his cane then he spotted it. He picked it up and started to stand. Foreman helped him up without saying a word. Normally House would have pushed him off but this time he welcomed the help. He motioned for them to move so that he could leave. They did, they really didn't want to upset him more right now. He exited the bathroom and headed back down the hall to his office. Cameron, Chase, and Foreman all followed.

………………………………...

_Hopefully the action kept your interest. I'm going on a vacation so who knows how long it will be until I update again sorry!! Also if you are currently reading or already read my other story I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever, its just that this is so easy to write because it's a real life experience and the other isn't so I'm not sure what to write in it._


	7. Chapter 7

Ok so that season finale

Ok so that season finale!! Wow!! It even made me cry! Also here's a funny story about a week after Wilson 's Heart I was playing softball and the girl ran into me and kicked my head. They took me to the hospital and the doctors said I had a concussion and to help with the pain and so I could sleep that night they gave me some vicodin! I thought it was so funny. Ha sorry I just felt like sharing. So on with the story.

He entered his office and didn't know what he was going to do so he did the only thing he could think of. He grabbed his keys and his vicodin this time. The three ducklings entered the room.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cameron asked concerned and a little annoyed.

"Home." He said as he pushed through the three of them and exited the room. Cameron was the only one who followed this time.

"You can't drive like this!"

"Yes I can, and you can't stop me."

"Well at least let me drive you there." House didn't feel like arguing so he nodded his head in agreement. Cameron thought this was weird but she wasn't going to mention anything. "Wait right here." House did as he was told and sat down on the bench against the wall and rested his head on the top of his cane. Cameron went back in the conference room. Foreman and Chase were sitting at the table, both staring into space.

"Hey, are you letting him go?" Foreman question Cameron.

"Of course not, I'm just getting a coat and driving him home." She grabbed her coat off the rack and entered his office to look for House's. She looked around but she didn't see one. She left and went back into the hallway and saw him sitting on a bench with his head down. She walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. She felt the movement and knew that she had startled him. She removed her hand. He looked up at her with those crystal blue eyes, they looked so sad and vulnerable.

"Hey did you wear a coat this morning?"

"No."

"But why not its February and freezing out and you shirt isn't very warm?"

"I forgot one."

"But how I mean…"

"I don't know ok! Can we just go!" Cameron knew that his yelling was really saying he just didn't want to talk. She reached out her hand to help him up, but he ignored it and got up on his own. He led the whole way downstairs and to the parking lot. When they reached there House stepped aside and let Cameron lead the way to her car. Once they reached the car House got in the passenger's door and she entered the driver's side.

The ride to his apartment was as silent as the walk to the car. His head hurt. He wasn't sure if it was from the panic attack and all the emotional stress or the fact that he hadn't eaten in days. He reached in his pocket carefully and took one vicodin knowing that Cameron was watching his every move. He put the pill bottle back in his pocket. He then rested his head on the window the cold felt good. Before he knew it they were at his apartment. He opened the door and stood up and walked up the three stairs to the door. He never looked back but he knew that she was following him. He unlocked his door and didn't bother shutting it behind him as he entered. He wasn't sure what to do now. He stopped for a moment in the middle of the room to think. If he went to bed she would stay thinking there was something going on and probably keep coming in. If he sat on the sofa she would sit next to him and want to talk. If he made lunch and tried to eat she would comment on his lack of appetite. He was stuck.

Then it clicked he knew one place she wouldn't follow, the bathroom. he limped his way over to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" He didn't answer her. She shut the door then locked it. "Don't lock the door what if you need help like last time?" he ignored that too. He didn't know what to do now, she was out there with her ear pressed against the door he knew it. He turned on the shower and the sink. He kneeled down next to the toilet and as he flushed threw up.

She could hear him but she didn't want to say anything. She stayed next to the door until she heard him shut off all the water.

"Are you ok?" she hollered in.

House was sitting on the floor next to the toilet with his head against the wall he thought he should give an answer he simply replied "Yeah."

Sorry it took me so long I've had this written for a while but I thought that it needed more to it but couldn't come up with anything so hopefully that's a good enough ending to this chapter.


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